Updated: May 18, 2020
About 2 years ago, I started to experience a shift in my mentality and within my emotions that caused me to have physical symptoms as I broke into a new reality.
At the time, I just thought I was going through a "tough time mentally" but I was actually moving through deep rooted energy. I was in the middle of upgrading my energy to a higher vibration and I was coming into alignment with who I knew I was deep down inside.
Today, I'm going to share my spiritual awakening experience, in hopes that it helps you feel more grounded as you take a deeper look within.
To get started, a spiritual awakening is simply the removal of your false self. Your false self is your ego. Now, most of us will say "but I don't have an ego" and that's simply not true. We all have an ego. Everyone has an ego. And there's nothing wrong with that. Because, acceptance is the first step in removing your ego. So, a spiritual awakening is just about waking up to the fact that you have an ego and then you work through the removal of your ego which is just your "lower self"or "lower vibration self".
Essentially, this is less about "having an ego" and more about "taming and accepting the ego" in order to remove it, completely and free your mind, body and spirit.
This is called: awareness. But before we can really become aware we need to remove the lower energy from our mind, emotions, body and energy.
So, what is your ego? and how do you identify it? Easy! Your ego is who you think you are, your ego is your label in life (and labels you give yourself and the labels you give other people) , your ego loves to compete, loves to label others, loves validation from strangers and loves to keep you focused on lower vibration energy such as boredom, irritability, stress, judgement, chaos, fear, hate, etc. The problem with this labeling is it takes you out of peace and into judgement. Everything you think you know is a previous mental concept.
The truth is, here and now is NEW, and there is no need to "re-label" or "judge" every moment.
The next truth is, you are not "things" and you can always choose a higher vibration feeling.
High vibration feelings are when you feel good. Low vibration feelings are when you feel bad. Fear, sadness, regret = those are low vibration feelings. Happiness, excitement, love = those are high vibration feelings. The reason it's important to get in touch with your "vibe" is it will tell you, where you operate. Do you feel loved? Safe? Or do you defend? And protect?
Our third truth is ego builds an identity to protect itself from your true self and this can trick our mind and block our true feelings. Your true self. Your free spirited self. Your relaxed self. Your at peace self. Your care free self. Your accepting self. The parts of you that are not interested in labeling yourself or anybody else.
This is why you will find the "same" mentality in certain neighborhoods; the same car, the same house, same education, same way of thinking all on the same block, because it's your ego copying a role that it feels "safe" identifying with.
What's your role? Your role is the character you play. You play this character every day.
From a young age, we see "roles" and we say, okay I want to play "that" role or I want to be like that person. So, your current role is the person you assigned your self to play in society right now; who you "tell" people you are and practice being. For example: I could say to you, I am "a blogger" or I am "a podcaster" but that's not who I am, that's what I do. Try it out on your side, depending on your "status" you might feel better for doing what you do versus what someone else does. You might feel lower or higher than what I do; but the point is, it all steams from where you'd rather be, how much you've achieved, what labels we both are- Rather than just simply, being.
With no thoughts, noise or ideas, you simply just let things be. That's true, being. Accepting everything and judging nothing.
If this practice is hard for you to take in, don't feel bad, we all have an ego and it's up to us to conquer it; because in the eyes of the ego, it is not enough to simply be and live and let live. This is why we fear, this is why we judge and unfortunately, this is how most of us live our entire lives on earth. Afraid to be seen, afraid to be heard, afraid to be honest, for fear of rejection because of lack of self acceptance and lack of self love. When you lack the acceptance of who you are, you can't accept anyone else for who they are. When you lack the ability to love your whole full true self, you lack the ability to see the love in anyone else.
When I woke up to this realization, I had a long painful realization that I was not being myself; my true self; my deep soulful self, my loving kind giving self, the part of me that just lives and lets others live. I realized that I was not connected to spirit or my higher power, that I was afraid of almost everything with no real reason to be and I lived in this state of fear, rush and achieve.
The worst part is, I was doing everything to please everyone outside of me which is why I never felt at peace and I was always stressed and rushing from one moment to the next.
I was achieving other peoples dreams and filling their "roles" and playing "their preference" and being the "part"they wanted me to be, for their needs, wants and happiness; which in return, brought me zero happiness. Brought me zero authenticity. Aligned me with the opposite of what I wanted for my life.
I was not free to be me. I was not free to chase my dreams. The saddest part, is this was a cage I put myself in. I was told who I should be and I accepted it. I was told what was expected and I lived in fear of judgement. That's when I told everyone who I was (my labels) and then I "played the role" to make other people happy. And, then when I wasn't happy, my egotistical mind blamed everyone around me, when the entire time, it was me. It was me.
It was me. I was sailing the ship with my beliefs. I was sailing away from dreams, hoping, by some miracle, my dreams would find me. That I would wake up and live my dream. But, you first have to wake up! You have to wake up from this sleeping state that things just happen to you and you're not in control.
You have to awaken the light within you. You have to search for your soul.
So, now I have to say it to you, it's you. It will always be you. It will always be you versus you. It will never not be you.
If you don't get the life you want, it's because of you. If you're not happy today, it's because you choose not to be happy. If you live in fear and doubt and anger, it. is. you. No one else can do anything to you, without you accepting it as truth. You are what you believe. You are what you believe to be true. You are the deepest parts of you whether you want to acknowledge them or not, it's true. If you believe life is hard for you, it will be. If you believe life is a dream, welcome to the good life.
But, the biggest awakening you will ever have is awakening this creator within you. By re-creating you, by taking responsibility for the shadows that crept in, taking ownership of false ideas that people passed on to you, facing the fear that has been fueling your life and becoming the light you seek.
By becoming the light, becoming the love and becoming the positive energy you so desperately seek outside of yourself, you become whole. Probably for the first time in your life and in doing this, you create heaven on earth. You create a heaven state of mind. You create miracles. You become your own savior. You become the beacon you've been looking for this entire time. You embody the words of Jesus Christ. Not just praise or state them in church, but you become the actual fucking LIGHT.
Embodying this new sense of light was SUCH a massive shift in my mind, body and spirit and it took a physical toll on me to upgrade my energy to a higher love.
Here's What I Experienced For Physical Symptoms:
To give you some insight, I want to share what I felt physically while my belief system was being upgraded. I experienced: Severe fatigue + heaviness in my breathing (almost like I was learning to breathe on a deeper level) + heaviness around my chest area (trapped emotions that were blocking my chakra's) and itchiness around my throat chakra (again blocked energy) + weird dreams (very vivid) + waking up in the middle of the night at the same times + synchronicity + seeing numbers at certain times and feeling "guided" to do certain things.
This of course, I later realized was a spiritual awakening which comes with spiritual guidance, but at the time, it threw me off track and freaked me out.
Some other symptoms, I had started to crave more freedom and creativity and relaxation. I craved alone time. (to heal, I'm a Virgo so we like to hermit ourselves back to health) I naturally started eating more alkaline foods (fruits and veggies) and drinking more water and herbal teas. I couldn't be around people that "triggered" me (which is anything honestly, its just a sensitive time to be around anything) But, I had A LOT of emotions to work through, a lot of pain to feel. I'd be lying if I said it was easy, but I was wise enough to realize all I could really do was feel it, heal it and be kind to myself. I had been down enough times to realize, that I always rise and I would eventually come back even stronger. I worked on educating myself, building up my self esteem, taking care of myself again, winning back my health and that's when it really started to align for me; I started following my soul passions and projects and getting creative and building a life and routine that made sense for me, personally. In the end, I realized I had the key to my happiness and I was the key to my peace of mind.
Below is a little bit more about my personal experience and how I was able to shift my mind, body and spiritual energy.
My Spiritual Awakening Story:
I had just turned 30, I was in a 6 year relationship, we had just renovated our first home together, I was a success in my peers eyes, working as a Marketing and Event Manager, I had just lost 35 pounds and I was feeling pretty amazing celebrating my surprise birthday party with my family, when a "gut" feeling kicked in. I started to feeling like something was off, I started feeling like something was missing.
As I looked around at everyone I loved, it made no logical sense. My life was perfect. I was on track. Healthy. Loving life and then I just kept feeling like, this terrible feeling that something was really wrong and something was really missing.
Now of course, we've all felt that before, whether it's when your best friend gets married or you get a raise or you turn a big "age"; you can start to feel like something is missing. Sometimes we address it, sometimes we ignore it but, I can tell you from experience, that is your spiritual side telling you something. It is your intuition, telling you to go within. To connect. To disconnect from "things" and just accept this moment. Here and now.
The reality is, you are not your job. You are not your kids. You are not your spouse. You are not the clothes you wear. You are not the cars you drive. You are you.
Everything you are is within you.
Everything you create comes from you. Your happiness is found, within you.
You don't need to travel 457 miles to happiness because it always travels within you. You just have to tap into it. Your greatest unlocked treasures are found, within you. Which is exciting until you are greeted by the false real you. The false real you that has you confused. Your ego. Mirroring you. Mirroring back everything you do.
Facing the "man or woman in the mirror" is the scariest thing you will do. You face the "not enough you" the "failing" you, the "ugly" you, the "unworthy" you, the "lack" you, you face the torment within you. The agony within you. The pain within you. You face the negative mental patterns within you. You face the judgement within you. The boredom within you. The excuses within you. The worry within you. The fears within you. The hate within you. The guilt within you. The despair within you. You face the false real you. Because it's not really you. Its the "lower" vibration you.
That's when you begin to realize that your feelings about everything, affected your whole life.
How you feel about you, shows up everywhere you go.
The time you got passed on a promotion, the time you couldn't close the sale, the time you attracted a negative partner, the time you attracted a great opportunity, it all, always, goes back to you, and your true feelings about you. Not what you think you feel about you but how you actually feel about you. Your true, deepest feelings, show up, all around you. It doesn't matter who told you to think a certain way, all that matters is that you focus on rebuilding the new light based mindset.
This is the hardest part about shadow work. Working through the trapped "lower" vibration emotions within your egotistical mind. Which happens everyday. Everyday you work through the fear based mindset and honestly, it is one of the most physically exhausting exercises I've ever done. But, on the other side, you meet love. You become one with love.
Your life becomes actual love. The love you used to seek outside of you is now within you and you begin to have energy again! Light again! Joy again! Compassion for all human beings!
It's like you start realizing it's no ones fault and you forgive everyone because you understand something. You wake up in a new realm in your mind, where you are inspired, creative, giving and happy for no reason other than simply, being.
It's like a light going off in your entire being.
And, that's because the weight of the ego (what you are not, the false self, the fear of judgement and opinions of others, the heavy dark emotions and false beliefs that you are trapped in on a daily basis) have been released and it literally feels like you are being reborn into a new higher realm. Where you just don't see hate, you just don't see negativity, you just don't see competition, you just don't fear love; where you just want to SHARE and GIVE it all away.
You come back to feeling FREE to CREATE your own opportunities, where you take control of your positive creations and harness the power of love.
The truth is, the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off; and that was SO REAL for me.
Honestly, its not fun realizing your judgmental attitude attracts judgmental people, that your ideas about your self-worth attracts people that are not worthy of you, that beating on your body, will never make your body better. So, the truth is, the truth can hurt but behind the hurt comes freedom. If you can feel it, you will heal it and when you accept it, you will return to love.
Compassion, forgiveness, peace, hope, faith, love, joy, satisfaction, passion, excitement, enthusiasm, that's who you really are; and it's ALL within YOU! Only you have the power to pull that magic out of you, only you have the power to say "today is going to be AMAZING" and only you have the power to go within and heal it, only you. You are your savior. You are the light you search for; go inward!
Once you've done this, you'll find everything you need is attracted to you because you're in vibration alignment with it. Love finds you because you are love. Joy greets you everyday because you are joy. Happiness becomes your normal state because that's your new vibe.
If you doubt this, if you doubt that the natural state of humanity is love, joy and peace, giving and sharing freely; and that all of your fears, stress and aggression is created within your mind set; think of a newborn baby or a small animal, think of how you feel immediate love, kindness and compassion when you see one; this is because they are the miracle of love and they don't know enough to not be anything but love so it's the only vibration they are on...
Okay, I'm going to leave it there. This blog post is really personal, but I believe in sharing and passing the light on; in hopes that it helps you find your light. I think what makes me so happy is to see so many people are waking up to a new way of living and getting in touch with their soul calling. So, if this can help you on your journey and help you work through your egoistical mindset in order to drop lower vibration beliefs about yourself and others than that is what this blog is all about. Healing. Honestly and being compassionate to ourselves and others while they heal honestly and find their personal peace and wellness.
More of THAT on the podcast xox Love, Chelsea